I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I am one with the molecules
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
