I hope mine doesn't look like that
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
