I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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