Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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