There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
