He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
