Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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