so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize