Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize