he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
