I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
