Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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