apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
