when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he fucked my hip out of place.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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