A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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