hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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