My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
