I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
