my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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