I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
