Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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