Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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