i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
