Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
we're so committed to being not committed
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
