I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
