i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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