The maid of honor just puked.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
