So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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