my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize