had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
