i barfeds in our rink
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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