as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
