i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
