I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
