until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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