3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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