I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
