i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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