Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
