i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
