dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Are my feet made of real feet?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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