toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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