Duck Duck Cougar?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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