I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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