he told me I talked like a deaf person
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
