eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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