is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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