I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
