I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
