I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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