that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
