I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
