Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
