tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
