At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
