Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize