If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
