There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize