Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
