why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
