Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
