Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
