I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
