she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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