My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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