how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
