I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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