Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Drake has all the answers
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
