you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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