I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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