if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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