I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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