3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just blew my weed a kiss
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
