Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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