he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
