You can't special order awesome
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
