just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
