eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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