U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
