you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
