i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
