i permit you to call me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
time to smoke my breakfast
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
