i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
