My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize