Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
