Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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