I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
