bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize