This dress was meant to end up on your floor
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
