Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
