Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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