I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
