Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
