i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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