After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
operation have a gay friend backfired
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
