Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
