I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
