I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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