My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
