Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She bit a glass in half.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
