I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
