New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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