Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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